if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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