my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Come see our sink grown plant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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