Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
