he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
