are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
