I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
