its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
