He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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