Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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