You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
