its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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