At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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