in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
