If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
