Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
