You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I lost the right to judge tonight
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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