Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
