I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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