shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
