I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
