I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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