Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
