I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
