I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
