MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
