and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
