what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
