you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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