He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
