I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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