I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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