I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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