In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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