ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Houston, we have a squirter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
