I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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