I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
