I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
