When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
