Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
