i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish there were birth control emojis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
