So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
