yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
