I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
