Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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