I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
