I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
