Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
