is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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