i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
