That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
